Spiritual Vitamins for a Healthy Marriage

March 23, 2025

Dr. Paul Cannings

Communication is like water to the body; a relationship can dry up and wither without good communication. Even in our relationship with God, communication is essential. God states that we should pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17). God encourages us to talk to Him constantly. If communication is this important for an all-powerful, all-knowing God, how much more meaningful would it be for our spouses?

The authors of “Who Cares about Love” suggest four levels of communication. The first is the exchange of clichés: “Hi, how are you? Have a nice day.” The second level of communication shares data and information. Talk about impersonal and non-threatening things- the weather, sports, world events. The third level is when we share something about who we are- our opinions and attitudes, dreams, goals, and values. The fourth and most intimate level of communication is when we share our feelings, emotions, joys, and fears with another person.

Sometimes, we communicate very well when beginning a loving relationship or at the first or second level. But we can quickly stagnate at one of these levels if we don’t choose to go deeper and become more personal, open, and intimate. Win Arn, Carroll Nyquist, and Charles Arn, Who Cares about Love? (Pasadena, CA: Church Growth Press, 1986), 92-93.

“If I were to summarize in one sentence the most important principle I have learned in the field of interpersonal relations, it would be this: Seek first to understand, then to be understood. This principle is the key to effective interpersonal communication.” (Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. New York: Simon and Schuster, 237)

The Bible teaches several key principles in communication: (1) Present anger by being quick to listen and slow to speak (James 1:19) and don’t let the sun go down on our anger (Ephesians 4:26). (2) Always speak the truth (Ephesians 4:15,25). (3) Do not use bad language (Ephesians 5:4) seek only to build up the other person (Ephesians 4:29). (4) Do not judge another person’s motive (Romans 2:1-3). (5) Do not murmur (Philippians 2:14), argue or complain (Colossians 3:13). (6) Seek the other person’s interest above your own (Philippians 2:1-5).